Update #3: a phone conversation

Finally!! A full night’s sleep! Last night, I slept from 5 pm until 8 pm and then 11 pm until 6 am. I am beginning to feel slightly more normal! But unfortunately for you, I slept through my creative-writing time.

(Yes, we obviously made it to Ikea on Friday afternoon to buy the mattress toppers. Best $300 we have spent yet!)

In addition, I haven’t sent an update in a few days because I thought I had nothing interesting to say. It’s just been the daily grind of getting into a groove. And then I spoke with Lizzie of Wilsonia and realized there are tons of details to share.

Because I have not mastered the Chinese phone system, I thought we could have a pretend conversation.

You: How’s the weather?

Me: Crappy. This is the first day I have seen blue sky since I have been here. And it has not been raining. It has been hot and sticky and stinky and gray—a lot like old gym socks. The air pollution has been horrendous—a perpetual grey dusk with the sun an obscured burning white orb. Very post apocalyptic (which, I guess, is apropos since my world has recently ended).

But back to the air pollution:

What causes it, you ask? It could be the gazillion cars, but it is also geographic location.

Beijing is in a valley (like Cinci) and all the air pollution sits in the bowl. Luckily, huge winds came in yesterday afternoon and cleared the air. I could even open the windows this morning! Maybe we will go to the pool today. It is supposed to be 100F for the next few days.

You: How’s the toothpaste?

Me: Well, it says Crest. It looks like Crest. It squeezes out like Crest. But it does NOT taste like Crest. It doesn’t taste like bean paste or seaweed, though, so I guess it is okay.

You: Have you met anyone?

Me: No one I want to be friends with. Before I arrived, I was warned that Asians (of all genders) had a fascination with breasts (an endangered species here). On Friday afternoon, I was waiting for Lucas at the school bus stop. It was me, 10 Ayis (house elves) and an Asian woman who swore she was from Seattle.

Now I know the word Seattle has no “R’s” but neither did this woman’s vocabulary. I am thinking she is maybe from Seattle, Shanghai or Seattle, Singapore. (Kind of like Wyoming, Cincinnati, not Wyoming- Wyoming,). There is no way she is from Seattle- Seattle, Washington! Leally!

So Friday was Lucas’s first day of school and I actually had on a bra and mascara. (And other clothes, too!)

You: [GASP!]

Me: I know; it’s still August! I should have been in a swimsuit and rash guard on my surf board! But no, I was trying to look cute and make a good impression at the parent orientation at school. Hence, I wore the mascara and a real bra beneath the shelf bra of my Athleta yoga tank.

The mom at the bus stop, who also has a second grader, had a lovely conversation with my breasts. I am sure she could not tell you the color of my eyes or hair (which is looking insanely mermaid-y with its crazy length and the high humidity.)

At first I thought she was admiring my surfer tan, but no. It was my breasts. Clearly, I am not particularly boob-a-licios in the US, but here, I am HOT!

So no friends yet. Unless she wants to be breast-friends. Ha Ha Ha.

J

You: How’s the toilet paper?

Me: Weird. There is no cardboard roll. You have just have to jam the sucker onto the dispenser. It takes a lot of brute strength and then it’s hard to unroll. Hmm. Weird.

You: How was Lucas’s first day of school?

Me: Seemed OK. When I asked him at the bus stop, he looked into my eyes (not at my breasts, which was a real relief) and said, “kinda boring.” He also had a scratch on his cheek so I was afraid he got into a fight.

He explained he was rough-housing on some mats (?) and scratched himself. He was proud of himself and said to me, “But I sucked it up like you tell me to. It was burning and bleeding but I didn’t cry. I just pinched it real hard to stop the bleeding. And the pinch hurt worse than the scratch so I told the kid I was fine.”

This was the explanation I got! Whatever!

He also told me the teacher could have a nasty tone of voice when the class didn’t listen.

Despite (or maybe because of) the nasty tone of voice, I liked his teacher a lot. She was very comfortable to talk with and seems to be a good mix of traditional educator and “relaxed.” She is a marathon runner from Wisconsin (or maybe Michigan, I get the 2 confused), who has just built a house in Florida. Her husband is a gym teacher also at the International School of Beijing (referred to as ISB from this point onward). The two have worked abroad for nearly 20 years! Their only child, a son, is in college in the US and will also become an int’l teacher with his girlfriend. You didn’t think you would get all that info, did you?

There are only 14 kids in Lucas’s class plus a teacher’s aid. All instruction is in English except the 1-hr of mandarin daily. It seems like a good mix on nationalities. The bad news is that there is only one other new kid in the class. I’ll keep you posted…

I may get to know the kids soon.

Mrs. Callahan asked if I would like to volunteer in the classroom, and I told her I was HAPPY to but only with the smart kids. At first I tried to be diplomatic, but finally I was just bitchy and honest and explained that I don’t like stupid kids.

I bet I made a great impression!

Not.

But honesty is the best policy.

Right?

You: How’s the coffee?

Me: International.

I could only find an Italian, very finely ground espresso and a French press pot. Luckily I have all my teeth with which to strain the coffee. Plus, Lucas and Brad were sweet enough to buy me Chinese half-and-half, which turned out to be vanilla yogurt. Once the grinds get caught in it, it makes a nice mocha-flavored dessert!

You: Are you ok?

Me: I’m ok!

There is other news to write, but nothing super important. Brad bought a bike, which is a story for another day. I can say it involved a factory tour with our driver, Mr. Duan who is “connected,” and a very long car ride. And it saved Brad $30 US!

As always, I love getting your emails, no matter how long or short. They help me feel connected in a world where I have been cut loose! Please stay in touch!

I don't care if it is 1 line or 1000!

I love and miss you all! Hope you are all enjoying the end of summer.

Feel free to share these updates, too. Because I am writing to you, my friends, I am more honest than I am politically correct. (As I am SURE you have noticed!) If I offend you or others, sorry. The bluntness is not intentionally hurtful, but diplomacy is not always funny or true!

I’m thinking about a blog, but it seems even more self-indulgent than these endless letters. Plus, if I decide to write a book, these emails are fodder and I don’t want to cut down on my sales. I’m going to need the extra cash for the therapy bills when I return to the US!

(Oobviously I am now blogging with your encouragement. Thanks!)

Much love,

Kimbeijingerly

oh, and our phones ARE working finally fyi but texting is not.

to dial from the US:

• call through skype (a US #) but works on any phone; i will not always have reception though; it depends on our wireless internet (which is finally mostly working in our house).YAY Brad! 1.513.252.2767
• my chinese cell phone number; probably expensive? 011.86.186.1115.8723
• house phone; cheap with the right plan: 011 86-10-804-22091

who has a house phone in this day and age? obviously we do!

zai jian!