Update #2

WHoohoo!

After falling asleep once again completely clothed at 8 pm, I managed to actually sleep until 2 am.

That's 2 more hours than last night!!

ANd I didn't even drink before passing out on Lucas's bed while he took a bath in preparation for his first day of school tomorrow. (Well, that's today now.)

That's some good parenting.

We have officially moved into our house.

ANd I have officially discovered that the CHinese mattresses in our house were modeled on the Great Wall of CHina. Actually, they are imported directly from the wall and are very authentic: they are slabs of hard ROCK produced in defense of the CHinese culture. ANy foreigner who sleeps on them will either die of exhaustion or choose to swim home, knowing that death by sharks in the Pacific is preferable to lying in your own Chinese bed!

Holy mother of God. Camping on rocks with your head on a downhill slope is no less uncomfortable.

I'm going to need a hip replacement!

SO....Thursday was less crazy than Wednesday. That's progress.

We accomplished 4 things.

1. Lucas has determined that foreign people and places smell bad-weird. I could not argue but I did talk about tact and diplomacy. He seems to have inherited my werewolf-like acute sense of smell; Brad, on the other hand, smells nothing.

lucky brad.

2. I became the object of countless sympathetic stares at Carrefour, a walmart-y store, where we took our housekeeper to buy cleaning supplies and household items (like the $100 iron and ironing board which sent her right over the moon!) Ma-Ayee very carefully and deliberately spoke with countless Carrefour representatives and clients as she examined each and every product. I stood by silently, smiling in what I thought was an interested, friendly way. I'm now thinking maybe I looked like a deranged mental patient or a simpleton. (That's a less offensive term for retard, which is what I meant!)

Ma-ayee was either very interested in purchasing the best with our money or she was saying. "Holy shit! This American is such a fidiot that she cannot buy dish detergent by herself!"

Many women smiled in sympathy at the Big AMerican while making hand motions that advertised, "This bleach will leave your floors sparkling and your nostril hairs singe-ed!"

By the way, I also discoverd that the CHinese like to shop in loud, carnival environments that sent me close to the edge of Aspergers--hence my "simple" look.

3. Brad, Lucas, and I went grocery shopping at Jenny Lu's, the largest int'l grocery here. We found many products that closely resemembled our favorites like Marshmallow Mateys, advertised to be "Just Like Lucky Charms." The experience psychologically damaged my child and myself. It was "home," but not! It felt wrong, tricky, like the button-eye family in Coraline. Evil. Conniving. Un-trust-worthy.

In defense, Brad and I purchased many kinds of martini olives, tonic, lime and a bottle of vermouth large enough drown all our sorrows in!

(By the way, we cleverly bought gin at duty free on the way into the country. That was Brad's idea and at the time I didn't understand his urgency or why we had to carry 3 liters of gin in addition to our 5 30-inch suitcases, the long skarte board, the guitar and ukulele. Brad, though, KNEW. He KNEW.)

I also discovered the elusive western tampon at jenny Lu's. Am i sorry that I sent 2000 tampons in my sea shipment? Hell, NO! They sell for about $1 each. I can make a serious profit on the black market and fund my surf trip to Bali that I have been dreaming of for 2 years. I'm just sorry I did not send more ;)

(And what is Ma-Ayee going to think when I unpack the endless Cost-co boxes of tampons???)

4. Our little trio successfully navigated Beijing's Ikea. And yes, it is EXACTLY like the Ikeas all over the world. When I happily mentioned this to Lucas, he, who is practicing his sarcasm skills, replied, "Ya, just like Cincinnati. Except here everyone looks CHinese and speaks CHinese."

(But it did not smell bad-weird and there was a live rock band playing Brad's all-time favorite Jimmi Hendrix song in the cafe! Brad was even wearing a Jimmi Hendrix t-shirt. A sign from heaven! Ok, maybe it wasn't exactly like Cinci's Ikea. Have you ever seen a rock band there?)

It was at Ikea that we made the mistake of not purchasing "mattress-toppers." We looked at them! We thought about them! We decided they did not fit in our cart with the 10 lamps, 2 shower caddies, 2 hampers, 6 towel racks, 2 wine glasses (for all that vermouth), 3 pillows, the french-press ('cause they don't sell coffee makers here), the cooking knife...

OH! here's another commie-fact. DId you know you cannot purchase a large kitchen knife without producing your identity card to the police person who stands by the knives in Ikea? I'm thinking, really, they should have just given us the knife when we passed by those mattress toppers. I could have just stabbed myself to death rather than being up all night again!

Well, until the next time jet lag hits, I bid you all a fond zai jian! Obviously, that is "farewell" in ENglish or "adieu" in French. Damn, I'm multi-lingual!

Actually it is good-bye, but my Chinese is still pretty limited! ;)

Keep in touch, please; you guys are keeping me saner than I would be!

Much love,

kimbeijingerly