B...B...B...B...B...BEIRUT

Warning: this Blog entry is NOT politically correct or sensitive

Our family just spent 5 days in Lebanon, a most modern and moderate country in the Middle East. Never fear, this is not a political diatribe; I will never write about politics, particularly on this topic. I am neither brave nor foolish! I realize there are a gazillion people more qualified and better educated about the region. And I am a coward!

I would, however, like to share a few things that I learned while visiting.

• You have to see it to believe it! Every American should visit the Middle East before forming strong opinions—public or otherwise.
• Lebanon is not a “fun” destination. It was a fabulous experience, though, and worth every hour spent in travel! (And it was a LOT of hours, nearly 20 door-to-door from Beijing.)
• The population (according to our guide) is 60% Muslim, 40% Christian, and 30% unemployed. In addition, it is not ok to be Jewish there.
• Lebanese fashion is…eye catching! And that’s what I am going to tell you about. You want to laugh when you read my blog, not cry!

In summary, Lebanese fashion runs the gamut. Beirut is the city of Do’s and Don’t’s. And they all begin with B!

BURKAS

The orthodox Muslim women in full black burkas are beastly. You may not be able to see these women’s bodies but you sure can smell them! They are enormously fat and they stink. Bad! (I warned you this was not a sensitive blog.)

We stood in line with a group of these women and the odor was horrendous. I was light- headed after breathing so shallowly for the half-hour they were in sight. Our Lebanese tour guide actually admitted that if she stands near them in a tram and the women raise their arms to keep balance, she nearly faints from the stench.

BELLYS (or is that BELLIES?)

Many Lebanese women are not dainty. Many have the belly for belly dancing. This is only important when you take a closer look at their wardrobe choices.

BUTTS

These plump modern Lebanese women wear the tightest jeans you can imagine. There is not a hint of excess fabric. Not even a fold or ripple near the knees, waist or derriere. In fact, in Lebanon, they sell (what I would call) the Wonder Jean. This is a pair of jeans with an under-wire for your ass. The technical term (no lie!): Butt Lift Jeans.

I saw more highway billboards for butt lift jeans than any other item in Beirut. I did a web search for kicks. It seems like South America is the big exporter. In case you are interested in fighting gravity: http://www.telegaleria.com/s-51-butt-lift-jeans.aspx

BOOBS

Beirutis are big believers in boobs. Perky boobs. Not only have they got the wonder-jeans, but the wonder-bra is also a big hit. I saw many lingerie shops advertising themselves as “an official dealer of the wonder bra.” At the mall, there was a whole WING devoted to the World of the Under Wire.

BOOTS

Tall with high heels. Very Tall. Very high. You must wear these boots over your butt-lift jeans. Boot Season runs from October through April, my tour guide clarified when I inquired. Thus these boots are a very hot item: it is 80 degrees in Beirut in the winter!

BLUE?

Camouflage: the new black! Or in this case, blue! In Beirut, the camo choice is neither tan nor green. It is a grayish-blue 4-color pattern. After a brief web search, I learned the exact identity of the men that wear this camo: the Lebanese Internal Security Forces Who knew? Camo is like a finger print! For more bizarre camoflage info, visit:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_camouflage_patterns#Middle_East_A-M

The Lebanese Internal Security Forces very kindly modeled this fashion on nearly every corner. They even had matching accessories! Nothing like a camouflage-patterned machine gun or tank…

BENSON and HEDGES

Ok, maybe not! I was looking for a B! Nevertheless, the Marlboro man has had a sex change! The new smokin’ cowboy is a woman in her late 50s (or older) who spends hours at sidewalk cafés smoking hookahs (also called nagilehs). Many of these women have very little skin showing. Their heads are covered in scarves (also a serious DO in Beirut), and they wear sunglasses to boot! (Get it? Boots!)

Hot Smokin' Mama

In fact, many women wearing the boots, butt-lift jeans, and perky boobs consistently cover their heads. And now, as I have entered the realm of religion and politics, I will be signing off!

With love and cheer,

Kimbeijingerly, your Beiruti fashion correspondent